Anxiety Kills

Dear You

You tell me you want to know more

You tell me you want to help more

You ask me to be stronger

You yourself, sir, are much kinder

When it comes to me

You slide your arms

And form a cocoon

And call me beautiful

When I look like a raccoon

When things crawl over me

Oh no, under me

Under my veins

Under my skin

Under my blood

When there is a din in my brain

And my mind freezes

When the gaze is transfixed

When I look

And look

And look

And look

And look

And look

And look

Tired, when I sigh

Whn I cnt typ

White. Everything is white.

I can’t see anything

I can’t feel anything

I can’t sense anything

My lips are numb

My lips are sore

My lips are minarets

My body is a monument

It contains memories

Memories that can’t be studied

By fancy departments

With hidden bruises

That I don’t want to hide

That I want to claim

As bruises au legitimate

I feel the legs

The knees

Shaking…still

the smoke appears

again in my veins

my skin

my blood

and kills

but this is no cancer

this ain’t real.

try harder babe

try stronger

try more

and some more

and some more

and some more….

Shhh….

*please come and collect the body by tomorrow morning*

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ayushikhemka

Ayushi Khemka created Mental Health Talks India in April 2018. She believes in channelising one’s vulnerabilities into an honest conversation that can potentially bring about a change in how we live and exist in the world. Living with depression and anxiety herself, she wishes to end the stigma around mental health in India. She is also a PhD scholar at Jawaharlal Nehru University working on the intersections of gendered violence and social media.

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