For most of my life, I have been asking, “Why me?” Why did OCD choose me? ( Or did I? ) What have I done to deserve this agony? What have I done to deserve this trama?
After many days of emotional outbursts and crying spells, I have started to realise that it’s not something that you can just snap out of or recover from in a month or two.
One thing I’ve started practising recently is ACCEPTANCE! It has been about accepting that I have a chronic mental health condition and the near-constant presence of intrusive thoughts and obsessions. This has given a whole new perspective to my tired brain.
OCD is not enjoyable. No one chooses it, nor did I. It is not synonymous to being a ‘clean-freak’. It is not a quirk or an adjective. The term is so misused!
It is devastating to live in a constant state of anxiety. Performing compulsions/rituals (both physical and mental) gives momentary relief, but repeatedly doing this and feeding the cycle makes me stuck in the loop.
So I have come to understand that instead of constantly blaming myself, it helps to practice true acceptance and mindfulness. Accepting the presence of thoughts doesn’t mean they are real or you like them, but just that you don’t judge, fight or respond to them and be able to deal with the discomfort that they come with. Many choose not to talk about it, but it’s important to prioritise our mental health and visiting a therapist/mental health professional is not a sign of weakness. It’s important to talk to your loved ones whenever you feel overwhelmed.